A simple Personal Evolution Process to get clarity about your most pressing challenge — and what you can do about it.

Photo by Christian Erfurt

Life is short. Too short in fact to be stuck behind a problem that keeps you from moving forward in life, seeing what’s beyond the next turn, missing valuable opportunities, and being generally unhappy and uninspired.

The purpose of coaching — in how I practice coaching — is to help my clients get clarity, focus, and direction. I help them get into emotional alignment with strategies that they create to solve their own problems or challenges.

There are moments of insight as well as moments of frustration in the coaching process. The latter is where we can get to the…


Why your personal truth and current reality kicks sand in the face of positive thinking and affirmations

“Truth” written on a piece of paper laying on the ground.
“Truth” written on a piece of paper laying on the ground.
Photo by Michael Carruth on Unsplash

In a recent coaching session, my client asked me to send instructions on how to craft his “statements of self-truth.”

He was telling me about using affirmations and trying to think positive. We had a discussion about how those words and actions are mostly meaningless because they don’t connect with truth.

When you affirm, “I am rich, and powerful, and loveable” — an all-too-common affirmation — what reality does that connect with if you are currently not rich, or powerful, or loveable?

If you don’t feel self-love, your brain won’t believe that affirmation. If you’re $50K in debt, the reactive…


The longing for a distant place involves a separation in time and a connection with deeply held emotions.

Red VIEW-MASTER from the 80’s on white background
Red VIEW-MASTER from the 80’s on white background
Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash

“There’s nothing else to make of life except to perfectly define yourself — to perfectly define your own existence. To be so utterly what you are that you can be perfectly perceived by others, which is an aid to them and everything to you. And which is happiness — I guess.”

— Timothy Findley, ‘Journeyman. Travels of a Writer.’

The other morning, I was deep in thought about the sadness of nostalgia I had recently experienced. Nostalgia had overtaken me numerous times in the past year, and I wonder if there’s a tipping point in one’s life that’s related to…


Who you are is who you are.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

A friend of mine recently came out on his 40th birthday. It’s not that he didn’t know he was gay, instead, because of his family, how he was raised, his religion, and other reasons, he has kept his identity private. For 40 long years.

In a very courageous move, he came out publicly in a video message on Facebook. A sort of birthday present to himself. His message was heart-felt, beautiful, and brave. I felt had tears in my eyes while watching his eyes well up as he spoke. …


If you cannot accept someone for their human nature, what is it about yourself that you do not accept?

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Part 1

A friend of mine recently came out on his 40th birthday. Not that he wasn’t gay until that time. He was. But because of his family, how he was raised, his religion, and other reasons, he has kept his identity private. He hid in plain sight.

What Is Self-acceptance But Love?

If you’re struggling to come out, you need to find a way to love yourself more than those who want you to stay hidden in the closet. Even the smallest amount of self-love allows light to shine through the crack of your slightly ajar closet door. …


What caused you to feel that way and how can you avoid those feelings in the future?

Photo by Andre Hunter

What are all the elements, triggers, people, places, and moments that lead you to feel unhappy, frustrated, irritated, angry, or sad?

If you’d like to learn how to finally and better manage emotions that you want to avoid and feel more empowering and uplifting emotions instead, sign up for my free webinar this Thursday, July 8th:

“How to Create Emotional Recipes for How You Want to Feel — A Personal Evolution Process Webinar.”

Webinar registration has closed, but you can access the replay and download the Personal Evolution Process worksheet here:

https://pages.darrenstehle.com/products/emotional-recipes


Think Queerly News — Saturday, July 3, 2021.

Did you know I used to be a real hot-head? I mean, my dominant emotion was defensive pissed-offedness. And yes, that’s a highly technical term for, Darren was kind of an asshole!

That was a long time ago, but occasionally, it feels like it wasn’t long enough. Looking back, I feel both guilt and shame for that time in my life. Guilt for how I sometimes chose to remain angry and shame for how I allowed myself to believe that I was unworthy (either because of my gay shame, and a situation involving a bully of a mentor).

However, it…


What are the top 3 emotions you want to avoid in your life?

On Thursday, July 8th at 12 PM (noon) EST, I am hosting a live and interactive Personal Evolution Process webinar called, How to Create Emotional Recipes for How You Want to Feel.

Webinar registration has closed, but you can access the replay and download the Personal Evolution Process worksheet by clicking here.

Watch this video about the usefulness of these questions:

To help you get the greatest possible transformation from attending the webinar, I’ve formulated 6 questions to consider “where you are now” around the emotions you want to avoid in life. …


Learn how to create emotional recipes for how you want to feel — a free Personal Evolution Process webinar.

Have you ever been minding your own business, when suddenly someone or something happens, and you fly off the handle into the emotional red zone? It could show up as upset, frustration, sadness, anger, shame, or rage. Whatever the feeling, these are emotional states most of us would like to avoid, or at least have better control over.

How often, or how easily, do you experience red zone emotional states like the ones mentioned above? …


Think Queerly News — Saturday, June 26, 2021.

Photo by analuisa gamboa on Unsplash

This week’s newsletter is quite newsy, so let’s dive in!

This week’s article and Think Queerly Podcast

Darren Stehle

Thoughtful queer leadership and self-mastery for change makers and creatives. DarrenStehle.com

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