Ainsley L, thank you for sharing this. I cannot help but wonder how this article might be written if you asked very different questions.

You see, the questions we are determine our perspective and world view within the formation of our own answers. So, it is vital we ask questions that serve us.

Asking what we are afraid of hurts us at the soul level — meaning that essence who who we really are, and might not yet be fully living into so that we can live OUT the best of who we are.

What if you reframed this entire line of fear-based questioning you ask or complete statements such as:

  1. I am hopeful that…
  2. I am grateful for…
  3. I am content because of…

Most fears are based in the external world. If you look through your list, what you are scared of is the opinion of others. You are scared of what others will think of you.

I believe what you are driving at with your questioning is you search for who you already are, as a happy, contented, loving, intelligent human being, who wants to express their uniqueness without judgement.

When you live into that wholeness others will see all of you and they will be attracted to that love you show from deep within.

You see, the more we make a list of fears, the easier it is to slide into the trappings of the status quo, which is fear based, and works to make you just like everyone else.

Admittedly it takes great courage to say, “Yes, I am afraid.” We all are. But the way we embrace these fears is to see their opposites.

For example, your first fear listed above,

“I want the people I love to know me more completely, but the idea of coming out to my parents right now feels like just dropping by to tell them what kind of porn I watch.”

What is the positive version of that fear?

“I embrace this process of coming out and I am grateful for identifying as a woman who loves other women. This is the truth of who I am.”

What you cannot control (external, fear) is how your parents might react. Should you fear that? It’s not their reaction you are afraid of, it is the loss of love and acceptance, and the possibility of judgement (external).

Take one step at a time and start with the fears which are the lightest, and the easiest to resolve.

Has this helped in anyway?

Written by

I coach deep thinkers and creatives in cultivating their purpose to experience more freedom, impact, and joy in their lives. DarrenStehle.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store