As gay men we are in a sense, in-between — playing out the masculine and feminine qualities that may be more to one side if you’re heterosexual.
It’s also dependant on your upbringing. Thankfully, my Mom taught me all the so-called feminine tasks growing up (cooking, cleaning, sewing); my dad all the masculine tasks (construction, mechanical, etc.). Nor was I forced or expected to do those things for any other reason than my parents thought I should know how to do those things, to survive on my own.
But there is an aspect to total self-sufficiency that you refer to, that could be seen as a way to push people away, as a way to prove to the world that, “I might be gay, but fuck you, I can take care of me, all by myself!”