Break Open the Box that Blocks Your Authenticity

Have you boxed yourself into a set of self-imposed constraints or beliefs that hold you back from living and expressing your most authentic self?

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[Click here to watch the video for this post]

Like your life is squared in like a 3D box, the kind of box that you might have drawn in art class in elementary school. The teacher shows you how to draw the lines to the back of the page, the lid, the bottom, and it’s a transparent box.

Imagine yourself stuck inside that box, kind of like a glass box in an art installation.

This is why I’m recoding this video outside today. I needed to get out of the box, the boxes that I’ve boxed myself into.

My room, my office, is a box, and sometimes I get distracted by the things that are in there and I don’t do the things that are most important.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I am and will I matter in this world, and what is it I want to say?

I haven’t been as out, as gay as I could be and what I mean by that is that I’m fucking sick of not being a social disruptor. I really do want to disrupt the status quo.

I had a conversation this morning with my accountability partner in business and she made some interesting comments about me. Namely that I use the F-word a lot in my writing.

This caused me to pause and to think about why I do that.

It’s because I don’t want to be in the fucking box! And I am in the box!

We are all in a box. It’s just a matter of whether we realize that and we can break down that box, one line at a time, like that drawing I was referring to.

Why do I swear a lot? Because I believe you should say what you want to say and mean what you want to say. It means that you can be the most authentic.

I swear a lot when I’m talking, but I don’t believe I swear excessively and just for the sake of swearing.

When I want to say “fuck,” it’s because it’s a powerful word, and words do have meaning, and words are powerful, but I don’t think any word should be restricted.

We have many languages and we have I don’t know how many hundreds of millions of words in all of those languages combined, but we have words for a reason. If anyone that tells you that shouldn’t say something, fuck them!

I’m sick of that. We only live on this planet for a short period of time, and we might as well make it count.

Now, I’m walking down stairs on the other side of a cemetery. That thought (death) is also on my mind because I was watching something a while ago, a bit of a motivational speaker talking about, “What are you going to remember when you’re on your death-bed? Will you have any regrets?”

This is the start of something new for me here, i.e. talking about the things that hold us back.

Maybe you’ve made the choice to be a successful business person or an entrepreneur but you’ve let your health go, or maybe you’ve decided that you don’t deserve to be in a relationship because you’re too busy or over-weight.

Maybe because you grew up like I did and at 50 years old now, I was in the closet for a long time until I graduated from high school. I recognize that my being in the closet has formed and shaped very much who I am today.

I question a lot, I’m very introspective, very solo, and very much in my thoughts.

I think that now is the time for me to come out of my intellectual box, which keeps me at home thinking deep thoughts but not necessarily sharing them.

I guess I’m making the declaration that I’m going to start doing things differently now.

I don’t exactly know where I’m going with all of this. I know it’s going to have to do with health, wellness, thinking, self-esteem, how we view the world, with the rights of all people, of women, of gay people, and the freedom from oppression.

It’s time.

It’s time to take that box that we drew on a little piece of paper and crumple it up and throw it away.

Be well

~ Darren

Originally published at on May 8, 2016.

Written by

I coach deep thinkers and creatives in cultivating their purpose to experience more freedom, impact, and joy in their lives.

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