Do Gay Men Need to Forgive Themselves for Gay Shame?

Forgiveness Allows You to Live in the Now — Think Queerly VIQ Podcast, Ep. 003

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Yuwen Memon, Upset Vineel

“I don’t agree with the premise of this article that gay men have to learn to forgive themselves. The act of self-forgiveness is often promoted as a panacea for life’s ills, in this case self-shaming as a gay man. Self-forgiveness suggests that some wrong has been perpetrated (by me).”

His message was well-intentioned, and I suggested that there is a subtlety in the understanding of what I meant with respect to “forgiveness”.

This is the subtle aspect of forgiveness I’m espousing

Forgiveness in this sense is a form of being able to let go of the attachment to the shame, especially when shame feels like one’s fault. Herein is the need for self-forgiveness: to recognize that how we felt/feel within shame is not our fault. We internalized that it was our fault for many years before we faced the root of our shame.

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I coach deep thinkers and creatives in cultivating their purpose to experience more freedom, impact, and joy in their lives.

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