Graeme, there is a tension you’re experiencing between your friends not knowing what you’re going through, and not feeling like you’ve come out fully.
What does that mean? Can you expand more on “not having come out fully?”
For me, at 52, there have been “coming outs” of different types over the years. The first coming out, and that process was the hardest, but also felt the best, like you have described.
For you, it sounds like you need to talk. Well, we are here, to listen, to ask questions, to help. But in person, where you life, who are you closest to? Who do you feel comfortable speaking with? Is there a LGBTQ group at college or near enough that you can visit, to be around other people like you?