Saying Yes to Everything Will Get You Nothing You Want
Are you a “Yes-person”, someone who says yes to everything, because you think if you don’t, people might not like or respect you?
If you’re a gay man, did you start saying YES to everyone as a way to deflect attention from who you are? As a way to stay hidden in the closet?
Perhaps Saying YES Became a (bad) Habit.
You said yes more and more, keeping friends and family happy, to such an extent that they didn’t need to know anything “vital” about you. Everyone knew you as the person they could rely on. This made you feel worthy and accepted, but not for who you really were, authentically, as an out, gay man. Instead, you were accepted as the “great guy” who “takes care of everything”. In short, you became accepted for your actions, not for who you are.
Saying YES is a Great Way to Allow Opportunity.
But how do you say YES to opportunities that serve you best, at this moment, now? Can you say YES to rest and taking care of you first, before saying YES to something when you’re tired?
Can you say YES to a request, when in fact you’re actually saying NO? In other words, play a trick in your mind. Allow yourself to say YES to saying NO.
Say YES to What Serves You First.
Say YES to get your own needs met first. Say YES to what you love about yourself that makes you feel that you are enough. Find ways to say YES to yourself first, when others are used to you saying YES to what they want.
When you say YES to yourself first, you establish boundaries that serve and protect your needs and identity.
- The Best Little Boy in the World: The 25th Anniversary Edition of the Classic Memoir.
Originally published at darrenstehle.com on March 14, 2019.