This is excellent self-awareness, Charles G Woolley.
Your humor — wow! That says a lot about one’s identity, and the freedom to express who you are. Having to hold back, having to not express in a naturally campy way is a straight-jacket (OH! what a double-ententre).
Your creativity — buried so deep you believed you couldn’t find it again. It’s like mind-control (it is!) being forced to act within the structures of the status quo.
Would you be interested in connecting with me for a call? I’d really enjoy finding out more about your experiences to help in how I build my Living OUT the Best of Me project.