This is such an intense piece of self-awareness that’s hopeful but seems (to me at least) to still express a sadness and the challenges of being in a relationship. What struck me the most was you mention of no one knowing how, i.e. that we don’t get a course early in life to teach us. But then, a course would still be a construct, and possibly heteronormative at best!
Would you consider being a contributor on my publication, Th-Ink Queerly? I know your work would be a wonderful fit and I hope I can bring your more readers on Medium as well. Please take a look, and read the Write for TQ section for all the details.