Why I’m Not Good Enough: My Dirty Gay Secret
There’s a lot of gay shame that runs as an undercurrent in my life.
This morning I watched a video by coach Dax Moy. He was talking about the difference between guilt and shame.
- Guilt is how you feel about what you did or didn’t do.
- Shame is how you feel about who you are or who you are not.
A light clicked on, illuminating something that’s been a challenge for me all my life.
I have shame around becoming successful.
What? But the success I envision for myself hasn’t happened yet.
That does seem stupid, doesn’t it. But I get it now. I understand how I’ve been blocking myself. I see how I’ve boxed myself in from experiencing and sharing what makes me fucking awesome and unique.
My shame is that I’m not good enough.
It seems simple enough. A random person on the street might say, “Dude, get over it.”
It is and it isn’t that simple, and here’s why.
Sure, I can analyze my shame and talk about it intellectually. I can tell myself that I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I know, my skills, gifts, knowledge, ability, empathy, love, etc.